Reflections of Mom

It's been almost 8 months since my Mom passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack. She was only 69 and had hidden her condition from us. Looking back, there were signs, I know the Lord gave me a few, but I think I was in denial. The first 3 months were so hard. The first few weeks I was numb, everything seemed surreal. I was unable to concentrate, making even the smallest decisions difficult. I felt as if I was loosing my mind and I found myself going through our entire relationship with a fine tooth comb. If not for the hope and healing power of God, I think I would've lost my mind with grief. I've come to the conclusion that Mom went according to her own terms, her love for her family so intense that she wanted to protect us, but at the same time she knew she couldn't have withstood bypass surgery and did not want to live as an invalid.

God has, in His grace and compassion, give me signs along the way that she is with Him. For instance, I have a perpetual devotional calendar given to me by a dear friend over 20 years ago. I had been asking the LORD if she was OK and how could I be reassured she was with Him? When I looked at the entry for the date of her heart attack (she was on life support for 2 days and it was stopped on 8/30/12, but I knew in my heart she left her earthly body the day she had the heart attack) this was the devotional , "When the believer dies, the body goes into the grave; the soul and spirit go immediately to be with the LORD Jesus awaiting the body's resurrection, when they're joined together to be forever with the LORD in eternal bliss." Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise." Luke 23:43 NIV Coincidence? I had this devotional for over 20 years. It was a gift to me by my best friend. A few days later, I was shopping at a favorite grocery store Mom and I used to go to all the time. As I entered the store to shop "In the Arms of an Angel" began playing. Coincidence? Mom loved plants and gardening. She HATED gardenias because they reminded her of funerals, which always terrified her from childhood experiences with full mass funerals. She could hardly bear to visit the cemetery in Santa Rosa where my grandfather is buried) Another dear friend (who did not know about this) later said she was prompted to send me a gardenia. To me this was a sign she was at peace and no longer afraid. Coincidence? In my garden, one of my rose bushes produced the most gorgeous purple bloom. In December. Coincidence? On my first birthday without Mom  I was getting a pedicure (Mom and I frequently got pedicures together) and a Kenny G (Mom loved Kenny G and we went to his concert together) version of "I will always Love You" I'd never heard before began playing. Then the salon phone rang and it was the special ringtone I had for her.  Coincidence? I choose to believe God is faithful and He has my Mother safe with Him. I will see her again one day.